This has the potential to be a long and boring and personal post, but as it is part of my history, I suppose documenting it is fine. When we finished our basement there was no question that there would be a studio for me. Bryan has always been extremely supportive in anything I've ever wanted to do. My amazing dad finished it off for me and it really has been a room that not only I and my kids want to be in, but other kids as well. I want it to be a place they can relax and create and have no artistic limitations.
My reason for wanting the environment to be the way I've made it is that many years ago I realized that if I wanted to continue painting, it would be kids alongside me, so it needed to be welcoming to them.
With the need to work thus far in our marriage (darn those excellent medical benefits!!) I have to say art is about the last thing I have time for. And I'm embarrassed to say that a few years ago, I felt really bad about this. Almost depressed about it. I felt like I was really being robbed of expressing my talents and not giving light to all the ideas I have constantly going on in my mind and heart. Old friends would ask what I was doing with my art and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed to say "nothing". (SO silly, I know). However, being "deprived" of this has actually been a blessing, but I only see it as such now.
I think for most of my life I place a huge importance on art and the role it was to have in my life. So to not really be able to do it was sad. But in it's place I found that I was adapting and finding other ways to "make" - I found I love cooking, sewing, and other things that I can do to beautify our lives just as much. I'm still finding ways to channel the need to "make". I feel like I have a healthy perspective on art now in it's relation to my life - I really truly feel that if this is /was some important work to do in this life that I would have the circumstances necessary to accomplish it. I also realize that while God gives you talents and you are supposed to nurture those talents, that I have much more important talents to develop - patience, kindness, compassion. And more importantly, creating a wonderful life for my family is ultimately the most important work that I will do. What has been great about Bryan is that he once very bluntly told me that what attracted him to me were other qualities I have that are purely about how I deal with and love most people, and that made me realize I have other important talents.
Many, so many times, I hear that you have to "make" time for things and that if it was important you would "make" time for it. Sorry, but working 40 hours a week, plus trying to cook, clean and be a good mother leaves me with -40 hours as it is. The one and only show that I did about a year ago was a terrible strain on my family, not counting the many people who babysat so I could do it.
I'm not belittling art at all. It obviously enriches my life every day and is part of who I am, but I'm really happy to be at a place in my life where I realize that if it ever is to be, great, if not, great, but I don't ever think I will have a perspective of thinking its the most important part of me again. I have enormous respect and awe for Cass and Emily for making it work for them. Their paintings hang in my home and are a constant reminder of women making it work, and therefore an inspiration. I do think one day to be a Minerva Tiechert and be mom 8 - 8, painter 8 - midnight is a viable option.
At the moment I am incredibly happy going into the art room filled with kids crayons, paints, coloring books and van Gogh dolls and helping them figure it out. It's really a great place to be.
2 months ago